A fight to the---Loincloth?
by The Cowardly Christian
Summary: Dipper vs. Manliness AU While running through the Forest a loincloth clad dipper finds himself in a deadly game of cat and mouse. Will he leave the forest alive, his dignity intact and prove his manhood-yeah, we doubt it too-


**A fight to the loincloth?**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...III...

**ANNOUNCEMENT!**

**I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

**SUMMARY:**  
**On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

**The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.**

...responses...

...III...

Dipper Pines was exstatic! He ran almost naked- save for a loincloth -through the forest Just one more challenge...just one more test...and then he'd be a MAN! Suck on that Grunkle Stan and Mable! And suck on the pancakes! They got nothing on killing a multi-bear!...whatever that was...

Little did Dipper know...a far greater cahllenge was about to present itself...

...

A man crashes his bike, a girl runs screaming, Blubs and durland huddle in their police car in fright(they would later deny all allegations of wetting themselves)...

The reason for all this? A tall, slender creepy man with no face and wearing a business suite was calmly walking down the street, whistling a merry tune, carrying a bundle of letters...

He folds one into a crane and gives it life, it flies into the room of a girl named Candy, she and several other girls were about to get a VERY similar and STRANGE letter.

**HEAR YE!**

**HEAR YE!**

**Today a grand contest in the forest!**

**Your objectives?**

** boy-**

**(insert picture of Dipper wearing a loincloth running through the forest)**

**-steal his loincloth before any of the other contestants!**

**2\. And get it to the finish line!**

**3.(revealed later)**

**Rules:**

**You cannot tell him why your doing this; either steal it, trick him to give it up, or maybe 'persuade' him to remove it...your all very attractive girls after all...why not use what you got?**

**to take it**

**Break these rules and there will be a penalty**

**Now, I know what your thinking: Why should I obey a creepy letter from an even CREEPIER 'person'?**

**Why the rewards of course!**

**Look on the back and you'll see your own personal prize should you accomplish this...I think you'll find it worth the hassle**

**...**

Disgusted...yet curious...all the girls look on the back...

...

Candy's eye's widen and she SQUEALS in delight!

...

Grenda rips off her shirt and swings the bits over her head enthusiastically...

...

A girl named Emma Sue gives a resigned sigh...

She looks to her half-sisters; Ivy(a girl wearing a log) and Maize(girl wearing corn)...and they nod...they know what they have to do...

...

Giffany smiles...in addition to the letter, she's temporarily made flesh...

The store clerk just watches with her mouth hanging open as a naked Giffany walks to her.

"Give me your clothes and I won't rip out your spine, okay?" She says with a smile and a wink...

...

Tambry smiles, "Sweet!"

...

Pacifica Northwest looks at the back...shaking...deathly pale...yet resolute...

"Jeeves...get my hunting rifle."

...

The girl picks looks at strange letter that came from the fire...

"Spike! Cancel today's schedule! This is more important!"

...

The red head opens the bottle and looks at the letter inside with intrest...

...

Abbey the Bunman(**1**) smiles as she reads the letter under a microscope...

"PA! I'm going out for awhile!" She shouts as she pushes a mountain out of the way...

...

Wendy Corduroy was crying...her tears staining the letter...

"I'm sorry Dipper...but I NEED this!" She wails...

...

Dipper oblivious...continues to track through the forest...although his loincloth seems a bit more tight for some reason...

...III…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**(1): An OC owned by ****nerdsman567, I OWN NOTHING**

**AN: Want me to continue this? I'm willing to take Bribes! Go to my P,a,t,r,e,o,n account!**

**Love me, flame me, review me**


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